12.05.2011
posted at 12/05/2011 03:07:00 PM
I think I'm going to lose my job.You wake up in the morning and there's just no drive to even exist sometimes. You know that feeling? I hope you don't, it's a terrible feeling, it's not even sad. It's a flat, feelingless state. In fact it's only a feeling because it replaces eery other feeling you have.
My partner's ex is spreading bullshit about me--which doesn't matter so much in the grand scheme of things, but it's just depressing to know that there's misguided hate going my way, and that the reason that person is so angry is because he was hidden the painful truth that he has every right to now--in fact, needs to know. But of course I cannot force the truth because it doesn't come from me, shouldn't even. What's worse is that he ill-wishes this relationship I work so hard on, it's hardly fair. I never took away that person's chance for a good relationship, he did that job very well on his own. And goddamnit I am not going to be scapegoat for my partner's and his ex's past mistakes.
I'm just glad I'm managing to hang on to sanity somehow. I just hope my partner doesn't begrudge me for what I'm saying right now--I don't blame him, he has his reasons.
Labels: feelings, they never owed you
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